An Ode to Justin Timberlake

JUSTIN

Note: This is the worst poem ever written

Note: This poem was written to be read out loud with either bongos or snapping audience members in berets for accompaniment

To Justin Timberlake:

For so long you’ve left me in the cold

Even though I’ve known you since I was 6-year-old

When I saw Model Behavior for the first time, you changed my life

I had that scene where you were holding a rose paused for most of the night

From your bleached brillo pad hair, to your new, clean shaven look

My love for you is so profound, I should write about it in a book

But then you went and said Bye Bye Bye

And you didn’t even care about how much you made me cry

I wore black for three solid years

And used my “No Strings Attached” puppet to wipe my tears

I buried my life-size cut out of you in my back yard

You were dead to me, but life was still hard

To make it worse, to twist the knife,

You joined the film world and got a wife

I hated you Justin, you shattered my dreams

of an all-ballad album with about love and other things

You were such a tease on SNL with all those catchy tunes

But it was just enough to make me remember what I’d lost and re-kindled the blues

It had been six years since your last album was released

And I was finally accepting that your musical career should rest in peace

AND THEN THERE CAME A GLORIOUS DAY

WHERE I READ A TWEET THAT SAID A NEW SONG WAS ON THE WAY

A cried again but this time for joy

Because now the life can come true that a girl dreamed about a boy

It may be just one song but it’s a harbinger for me

Of a future full of white-boy soul that will finally be